Here meet the Head Inmate of the Sanitarium:  My brother, Larry, affectionately known as Smiley Liplash.  Known for his bubbling persona, Smiley is the life of the party here at the farm.  Smiley is known to sleep through out the day and wander the hallways at night discussing his prospecting days in the Yukon Territory, Alaska, where, it is rumored, he survived a winter lost in the ice fields by eating his dog team to stay alive.  It is said that one can hear him calling, "Here doggy, doggy, doggy . . . " as he wanders the hallways late at night.

Viewed here is seen the specially designed and installed bathroom toilet that he prefers.  He claims that since he had the 57" TV installed in the bathroom, he has suffered from a permanent ring around his backside.  Now, he can watch TV for hours without discomfort.  Smiley also had the bathtub relocated so as to soak his feet at the same time.

COME 'N' GET IT!
(or, TOE-MAIN TACOS)

Then there's Smiley's delightful "Esposa" Lyn, with flaming red hair and ever consuming desire to be the perfect housewife.  This is evidenced by her insistence on being referred to as Martha Stewart of Middletown.  Although rumors of malnourished children are not entirely correct.  Her outdoor barbecues have been known to turn into midnight starvation rituals where guests entertain themselves with quick jaunts to McDonalds.  She is well known in the neighborhood for her house keeping and handy crafts and has several letters from the Health Department to prove it.

In her own ever decreasing capacity, she has overcome her inability to get the right shoe on the right foot by wearing several layers of socks without shoes.  This accounts for her overwhelming appetite for stranger's socks, clean or not.  She has been known to assault others only to obtain the socks they are wearing.  So, as a prudent rule, to avoid being mugged, always bring a couple of extra pair of socks when you visit.  They will be invaluable as bargaining chips and ransoms payments.

THE INMATES ARE IN CHARGE OF THE ASYLUM!

Here you'll recognize the residents of the sanitarium.  Notice from left to right are Will, always watching for loose change on the ground; Lyn, with her beautiful red hair; Larry, in the background and Laura in the foreground; and, Ana, known as "Happy Jack".  Notice the big grin.

Not shown are LeRoy and Magic, the compound dogs.  And their two hundred and fifty thousand ticks.  Several of which came home with me on my last visit.  LeRoy and Magic avoid getting too close to Smiley, especially around dinner time.
 
 

PASS ME A WINNER!

As part of their weekly therapy and an important part of asylum social life is the highly competitive weekly gas passing contests.  Pictured here is Ana (Happy Jack), the winner of this weeks competition.  Each Friday night contestants go into the bathroom, with the judges and close the door.  Upon the successful eruption, gauged by the vibrations of the bathroom door, the contestant will emerge and the judges will render a score.

Winners are judged not only on the volume, or loudness, of the passing gasses, but the offensiveness of the odor as well.  This accounts for a full fifty percent of the score.  Additionally, the facial expressions account for fifteen percent of the score.

This photo shows the winning effort for this weeks competition.  Later, the winner was heard to say that she practiced for days by eating cucumber sandwiches with pork and beans and Cabbage Al Donte'.  Ana's a vegetarian, you know.  This effort brought the highest score in over two years of competition.

Lets hear a big "Ppppppppppp" for the winner.

HE, HE, HE!

Here we have Will, aka "Cuddles".  His favorite past time is to have others tickle the bottoms of his feet with soggy corn cobs, preferably with lots of butter.  Pictured here, Cuddles is enjoying a gentle massage by his mother while watching the latest stock market report on cable TV.

Cuddles wants to be among the first settlers on the planet Mars and would like to develop the first Martian golf course.  Other ambitions are Brain Surgery, Shoe Repair and (PMS) Professional Marble Shooting.  Cuddles also holds the house record for the number of TV programs he can watch at the same time on the same TV.  Armed with the family remote, he can enjoy several programs at once.
 
 
 

KISS ME YOU FOOL!

Laura Lou, as her father calls her, aka "Dimples", (check 'em out.), is the youngest of the brood.  Her ambitions include being the best at jump rope and wants to be the best kisser in the world.  Notice here, she is displaying her best "PUCKER".

Laura, being known for her quick mind and sharp whit, has one behavioral curiosity.  That is, she forgets to put her feet down when her bicycle comes to a stop.  She is constantly scuffing up her elbows as she crashes to the ground.  Laura blames the bicycle for the problem, however, her parents say that she will grow out of it and insist that she wear her helmet and elbow pads.

Laura also suffers from other bouts of absent mindedness.  She has been known to stand in the hallway, for hours, when she leaves the bathroom.  When asked what she is doing, she replies that she can't make up her mind as to which way to turn.

Laura has held the title in the weekly gas passing contest for the last two years.  However, blames her latest defeat on Ana's choice of diet, this last week, and insists that she will regain the title next week.  She claims to have a secret formula for winning.  We'll have to wait to smell the results.

Dimples and schoolmate, Amanda, are very accomplished at gas passing.  So accomplished, in fact, that it is known through out the neighborhood that they BLOW "TAPS" at night when Amanda sleeps over.  Which, luckily, isn't too often.  This habit upsets the neighbors, but, the odor protects the household all night against intruders.  I'm just wondering if we should encourage her to pursue her talents.

OTHER AMAZING CONTESTS

Please remember that I have always been bigger and better than Larry.  Here's the proof.  While others were practicing for the gas passing contest, Larry and I were out comparing bellies.  Of course I win.  I wonder if Dad would be proud of us?
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

OKAY, WHO HAS THE REMOTE?

Boy, the whole household comes to a screeching halt when the remote comes up missing.  Here, Larry and I dismantle the lounge chair to find the remote control.  We found one, but, it was the one lost several years ago.  It still worked, though.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 

I'LL HOLD THE NAIL WHILE YOU HIT IT WITH THE HAMMER, HONEY!

THUD!  Oh, well, accidents will happen.  That nine pound sledge hammer brought Larry to his knees for about fifteen minutes.  But, like the trooper he is, he got back up and held the post again for Lyn to hit it.

The new tree that Larry brought home to plant in the front yard, took several hours to dig up the old tree (that Larry brought home to plant in the front yard, and died).  Here shows real team work while securing the support posts that will aid the young sapling while it takes root.  Or dies like it's predecessor.
 
 

UUG!  THAT SMARTS

Well, it took Larry a little longer to walk away from this one.  He said something like, ". . . That's enough family bonding for one day."  And had to lay down for a nap.  Funny thing, though, he slept through dinner and breakfast the next day.  Poor guy, it must be rough to be in charge of a nut house.

Funny thing, though, when he did get up the next morning, he walked real slow and kind of limped, . . . , with both legs.  I thought it a perfect time to challenge him to a little one on one basketball, but, the coward declined.